Tuesday, December 6, 2011

One of those moments.

We had one of those moments last night. Just me and her.

We had had a heck of a day. Just one of those crazy busy, sensory overload, Mommy is stressed out days. House is a mess, people are missing or need rides and Abby and I are running around like crazy people. Back and forth. Up and down. Left and right.

It was bedtime, or it was trying to be bedtime. 2 and a half hours later than normal. We were both exhausted and cranky. She laid in her bed fussing while I laid in mine aching. She kept sitting up and yelling at me. Just a standard, cranky po'd little girl. She would sit up, I would tell her to lay back down. She would scream, throw herself to the mattress then sit back up screaming. After about 20 minutes of this I just sat up and said,"Look. I know you're mad and I know you are trying to tell me. I know you don't understand why your words don't come out and why I don't listen. I'm sorry baby but I know you understand me and Mommy said it's time for bed so let's go to sleep and stop all this OK?"

She just looked at me and gave me a huff and threw herself quietly to her pillow. She then turned and looked at me and smiled and stuck her tongue out for a kiss. Just me and her. Both so frustrated but loving each other so much. She was asleep in 2 minutes.

Sometimes I get so busy, so broke, so frustrated with everything that even I forget she's in there. I become this kidomatic. Butt wiper, bather,dresser,loader,feeder that I forget or I don't think about how this must feel to her. Trapped in a body that doesn't work. Relying on a crazy person for absolutely everything.

And yet she still loves me

1 comment:

Erica said...

terri! i feel the same way. I almost forget to let her just TRY to tell me. Im on auto pilot too a lot. i really liked this post!