Sunday, April 29, 2012

Things you never ever say to a Special Needs parent

When I first thought of this post I was in a rage. Imagine that. This post has been coming for  while. I don't know if it will help or enlighten any of the offenders but I hope so. I hope that until you read this you had no clue what you were doing or saying and I hope you will think next time you speak.

Things you never...ever say to a Special needs parent. In no particular order

Does she go to school?
What? Why? Are you planning on funding her college? Would you ask another child's mother that? Of course she does....and if she doesn't...their are reasons why that are more personal or painful than you can ever imagine so drop it. Instead....you may ask how old she is, or just change your wording to something you would ask another family like,"Oh does she go to Gracemore? I wonder if she knows my niece Sally."

Does she go to a REGULAR school with Normal children that can learn?

You would be surprised at how many times we are asked this and by who. Friends,family members,complete strangers. You do realize that this is my child right? She isn't a lame dog I decided to go ahead and keep. She is my heart, my soul and my every breath. Just as your child is yours. Think about how crazily protective you are when your child is hurt or helpless. That is my child's reality. Do not mess with me. For the mothers that ask their own daughters this question about their daughters and grandchildren. Shame on you. You can ask things like...."Are her friends really helpful.?" Wonderful way to get your nosy, uneducated, question asked without you sounding like an insensitive ass.

Do you think she knows who you are?...or look she knows you're her Mommy.

Ya think Magee? I gave birth to her. She counts on me for everything but her breath and her heartbeat. I'm pretty sure she knows I'm not someone who just walked up. And she is not 4 months old. She can't use her body. Her brain is intact.

Ya know I don't think you should...or Don't you think it would be better if...

Nope not allowed. You have not once begged your child to breath. Held her while she seized or slept with one eye open for 7 years. Nor have you ever offered to change a diaper or help her out of her chair. You stand there with your mouth open while you watch me struggle to do everything. When I ask for help you ignore or dodge the question. If you do say yes you don't come through.You have no opinion. None.

What's her Prognosis or life expectancy?
OMG really? What if I walked up to you and said,"Oh my goodness she is so pretty. When do you think she is going to die?" And just so you know, my daughter can hear you. And none of us really care what you have read or what someone else told you. (Thank you for this one Bridget!)

Is she Retarded?

You would be surprised in this day and age how often we still hear this. A couple times a week. So is she? By medical definition...yes she is. By society's definition? No, that would be you. Thanks for playing.

Abby's Mom

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

WeLl said, well said and well said...

I specially liked the answer about the retarded. I am a SN mother, I don't need to be polite so I know what my answer on that one will be from now on...hugs
Maria

Amelie Kiki said...

Haha made me laugh! I hear that shit all the time! Would you monsignor I used this on FB? I know it is personal but it would sure shut the twits up!