Thursday, April 21, 2011

She smiles at me with love

She wakes in the morning with a whimper..pain in her back and legs from being in the same position I placed her in as I kissed her goodnight the night before.

I slowly stretch and massage her legs and back as she shakes from the pain,stiffness and tremors that ravage her mind and body..they slow and she smiles. Smiles at her mother..eyes twinkling.Saying so much in her silence.

I wait until she can move on her own before I lift her from her bed to carry her to the down the stairs and to the room where she sits in wait, to be readied for the day. She smiles at me with love

She waits..still with patience as I wash the sleep from her eyes. She frowns at me as I uncross her ever clasped arms and hands so I can dress her. She cannot put her arm in a sleeve nor her leg in a pant..and she smiles and searches my eyes..each and every day. Waiting for me to tell her what I am doing and what will happen in her day. She smiles at me with love.

I give her her morning meds 5 in all and she sticks her tongue out and sighs. Only a few moments to herself before she is medicated into safety again. Safety from the seizures,the anxiety, the stomach pain and the allergies she suffers from..not a guarantee but the only thing we can do. She sighs and smiles at me with love.

At the same time each day I carry her to her chair for the hour long ride to school where she will arrive asleep. I strap down her feet, her waist,her arms,her chest. She searches my eyes if I forget to tell her what I am doing and how much I love her and will miss her. She smiles at me with love.

She rides the lift onto the bus head now turned from me. She does not look back as they take her away. I smile at her with love.

I spend my day thinking or her and teaching and helping those smiled at this day. Before they went back inside to think and hope and pray.

I busy myself till she comes back to me..otherwise I lie in bed the never ending sadness eating away at my soul. If I'm not awake I will not cry. I feel myself growing old.

It's time. I wait to see her yellow chariot as it sails from up the hill. My heart beats fast as the door opens waiting with held breath. She lifts her head, eyes twinkling and she smiles at me with love.

I roll her in and feed her as she pushes a button to tell me about her day. She smiles and giggles, eyes singing as she listens to what she has to say.

We stretch, we read, we walk, we play until it's time for bed. I lift her tiny body into her big girl bed.

I close my eyes and pray and thank God for another day. I pray for as many more as he will give as she smiles from where she layes.

I kiss her tiny face, her eyes, her hands her head, she smiles at me with love as she lays there in her bed.

She smiles at me with love



Erica said...

Terri. this was ridiculously beautiful. thank you for writing it and sharing it.

Kristy said...

That is beautiful Terri! You are a great writer! You really capture the spirit of our girls.

robbie said...